I had never thought about suicide before and never considered it myself, but as each day went on, I began to understand why someone would want to end their life. I could understand how someone could get so exhausted and so depleted, after months of feeling something horrible, that nobody could understand. I could understand how someone could feel hopeless, if they did not have support from anyone. I started to cry for everyone who had taken their life because they could not get the help they needed for a condition they did not understand or know how to fix. I prayed and hoped that I would never get to that point.
It had been two weeks now on Pexeva, at the therapeutic dose. I feel as bad as ever. No change. When I met with the psychiatrist, he switched the regular Xanax to Xanax extended release (XR). He wasn’t sure why the regular Xanax was wearing off so quickly. It should have been working for 4 to 6 hours. For me, it was only working 3 hours, 50 minutes and 7 seconds. My theory is that I wasn’t eating enough and I was drinking a lot of water, which probably flushed it out. I was scared to eat and was afraid to become dehydrated. I’m laughing now, because it sounds crazy, but I didn’t want to do anything that might make me feel sensations similar to a panic attack. If I ate something that didn’t settle well, I would get a stomahe ache, like when I was panicking. If I didn’t drink enough water, I might feel lightheaded.
The switch to Xanax extended release (XR) was a game changer. This was amazing because it would last 8 hours! Instead of freaking out and worrying every 3 hours, 50 minutes and 7 seconds, I could wait to freak out every 8 hours instead. I felt like less of a drug addict taking it three times a day instead of FIVE. I was also able to sleep a little longer, before waking up in a panic at night. During the day, I could think about the sensations a little less. This was the first positive change so far since the November 1st panic attack from hell. I had been suffering three months now, with no answers, or answers I believed anyway, and I didn’t know how much more I could take.
Read on here: Getting a 2nd Opinion
