Getting Help for an Anxiety Disorder

Restart Week 1 on Pexeva

I call it a restart because I tripled the dose of Pexeva. This is week 1 on the “right” dose. Every day and night is the same as the last and it is getting old and exhausting. Racing heart, shortness of breath, nervous stomach, blah, blah, blah!!!! I am sooooo sick of it.

One day my husband was outside washing the car. I decided to go outside to see if the sunshine, or getting out of the house would help. We talked about what I was feeling. My voice was shaky as I spoke to him and I was fighting back the tears. I said what I’d been saying every day – “I don’t know what is happening to me!” (insert tears) Of course, he didn’t know either. We thought maybe some exercise would do the trick, or at least help a little.

While he washed the car, I went for a walk. I was afraid to walk far, but I lived on a cul-de-sac and didn’t really need to go far. I walked in circles, around the cul de sac. It wasn’t really working so I started jogging. I already feared that I was going crazy and now I was starting to look crazy, running around the cul de sac! I started laughing because I imagined what I must look like to my neighbors. Thank God I never lost my sense of humor throughout the whole experience.

I didn’t take the time to change, so I was running around in circles wearing a t-shirt, lounge pants, fuzzy slippers and a robe. My hair was up in a bun and I was laughing and crying! Every time I passed my husband, I would say “Big Ben! Parliament!” This was a part of the movie in “European Vacation” where Chevy Chase was stuck going in circles, seeing Big Ben and Parliament over and over and over. He started losing it because he couldn’t get out of the circle. It was hilarious! That was exactly how I felt – stuck in a circle and losing it! Well, the jog did not work – not even a little.

I came back inside and took a shower for the 2nd time on this day. Taking a shower provided some relief. I think the water hitting different parts of my body all at once, was soothing. I didn’t feel nervous when I was under the shower for some reason, or maybe I didn’t realize it with the water coming down on my head, face and body. I wished I could stay under the shower for ever, but I couldn’t. The warm water would run out 🙂 I got out of the shower, dried off, got dressed and the sensations would come back. I would start shaking again and feeling nauseous, all I could do was lay down on the couch and wait for this nightmare to be over…

Continue the journey with me here: Week 2 and Xanax XR

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