Panic Attacks at Work
The panic attack happened November 1st and it is now November 10th. I have fled the burning building twice. I mean the building where I work. No, it was not on fire, but the way I ran out of there and the way I felt, was as if the building was on fire and I had to get out, to save my own life!
Primary Care Physicians Cannot Help with an Anxiety Disorder
My mom drove me to the doctor on this day. At this point, I had a fear of driving. I was a 36 year old woman, afraid to walk in to my workplace and afraid to drive my car. My poor primary care physician was at a loss. He did not want to prescribe any other medications and he did not want to increase the dose of the Lorazepam. The plan was to continue on this path in hopes that I would eventually get better. He referred me to a psychologist. He thought maybe if I talked to someone about relaxation and managing stress, it would help.
Waiting to See a Psychologist for an Anxiety Disorder
As soon as I left the doctor’s office, I made an appointment with the psychologist for that same afternoon. Her office was in the same building as my primary care physician, so my mom and I decided to just wait in the lobby. We only had to wait two hours. Those two hours felt eternal.
I sat in the chair next to my mom, breathing heavy the entire time. Every now and then, I would exhale forcefully to calm my nerves. My heart was racing as I tried to sit there and my stomach was turning. We walked over to a little café in the lobby. I did not find anything appetizing, but ordered a Cuban sandwich anyway. I took two bites and could not eat any more. We went back to the seats we were in earlier and I started crying. My mom was talking to me, trying to ease my fears and trying to get my mind off of everything. While she was talking, I was just thinking about how a psychologist was not going to be able to help me. I was trying to think about my next move. If my doctor couldn’t help me, then who?
Anxiety and Panic Makes You Restless
It hadn’t been even 5 minutes, since I was sitting in that damn chair, in the lobby and my skin was crawling. How the hell was I suppose to sit here for another hour and 55 minutes?!? My leg was jumping up and down as I sat restlessly. I had always had a habit of shaking my leg, but this was insane! I think the entire lobby was shaking. My mom made a comment about it and I started laughing. Then I started crying again. Then I started laughing because I was crying. I stood up to walk around, but my legs were shaky, so I sat back down. I started counting in my head backwards from 1,000. I continued in this manner until it was FINALLY time to go see the psychologist. I knew, in my mind, that she was NOT going to be able to help me, but I really had nothing to lose.
To read about the visit to my psychologist, click here: Week 2 – Getting Answers
